Ellen Gives Her Own Keynote on the Apple Keynote


Hey, I have to tell
you something first. So I’m going to
talk about phones. But I’m not get– you’re
not getting a phone. So don’t like– [LAUGHTER] Oh, she’s talking about phones. We’re going to get a phone. You’re not getting a phone. [LAUGHTER] But Apple announced the new
iPhone at their big keynote event yesterday. Their keynote event is kind of
like a TED talk, but instead of teaching you how
to better yourself, they teach you how
to spend $1,000. [LAUGHTER] And instead of TED, it’s Tim. You know Tim Cook, right? Tim Cook’s Siri’s husband. [LAUGHTER] I think so. I don’t know. Yesterday Apple announced
their iPhone 11. And obviously, we all
know how to count. It’s 7, 8, X, 11. It goes like that. So you can either
run out and buy it, or you can tape an
iPhone 5 and an iPhone 6 together and make an 11. [LAUGHTER] That’s what I’m going to do. Plus it has improved battery
and now lasts four hours longer, like the Today Show. [LAUGHTER] So they announced–
[LAUGHS] It’s long. The Today Show is really
creeping into my hour. [LAUGHTER] It’s like– The iPhone 11 Pro– that’s what they’re calling it. It has three cameras. And now Kim Kardashian never
is going to leave the house. [LAUGHTER] | hardly even a phone anymore. Now it’s more of a camera. I don’t even know if you
can make calls on it. It’s really just a phone– it’s just a camera. The most popular new
feature of the iPhone 11 has a wide angle lens
to take wider photos, and it can take
slow motion selfies. So just like us, the phones
will be now wider and slower. [LAUGHTER] [APPLAUSE] We love when you
insult us, Ellen. Yes, we’re all wider and slower. [LAUGHTER] The new phone sounds
great, but there are still some other changes
I’d like to see. I want to see like when
you have those three dots and then they disappear, I
want them to show you what the person was going to say. [LAUGHTER] That’s what I want. Because you know, you’re like,
no, they changed their mind, and they’re–

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