Mall Food Court Hacks Taste Test

Today we hacked the mall food court. Let’s talk about that. (upbeat music) (flame whooshing) Good mythical morning! We’re going on tour to
bring our comedy and music to your town with shows
in September and November all over the southeast,
southwest, and a few other spots. Get your tickets now
at before they’re gone. Yes. Now, there are roughly
47,000 shopping malls throughout America and as the ancient Reddit proverb goes, “If you’ve seen one mall,
you’ve seen them all.” Yeah, and the same goes
for the food courts inside of those malls, but where you may see a bunch
of tired food franchises, circling gloms of angsty teens with AirPods dangling
out of their earholes, we see an opportunity. There’s arguably no place more right for menu item cross-pollinization. That’s a tough word to say. Cross-pollination. Right, cause that’s how it’s said. Menu item cross-pollination,
than the food court. It’s time for ‘These Mall
Food Court Hacks Are So Insane They’ll Mince, Bake, and Fry Your Brain.’ Today we’re gonna give you some reasons to go back to the food court. Yeah, we’re gonna be creating
completely original dishes using only food from the most common and popular food court fast food chains, and also the ones that were
available to us here in LA. Let’s hack it up. (lively music) Breakfast is often
overlooked in the food court so this first one is for those nine a.m. senior citizen speed walkers. This is our version of the
All-American Slam breakfast, the Mall-American Slam. Oh, I get it. Rhett, you’re gonna do the honors while I’ll walk you through it, okay? Okay. We’re gonna wanna make
an omelet with some bacon and some hash browns on the side. Oh yeah.
And some OJ to wash it down. Now, first, you’re gonna wanna
go over to the Panda Express and get yourself some fried rice. ‘Cause this is the only place you can get eggs in the food court. And I have once asked the
people at the Panda Express to just make me an egg and I
was asked to leave the mall. I was escorted out by security. So you gotta do it this way. Which you need to take those chopsticks and you need to meticulously pick out all of the scrambled egg bits. Easy.
Go for it. Take your time. We got all the time in the world. There’s one piece. If you get a little bit
of rice, that’s fine. – [Rhett] I’m gonna shake the rice off. That’s two pieces. That’s gonna take a while. Josh already did this. We do wanna save this rice. We’re gonna be dumping a lot of things into this giant bucket. Now, this is not any normal bucket, or at least this emulates something that’s not a normal bucket. This is from Hot Dog on a Stick. Now, they use this thing
to make their lemonade. We know about this because
our very own Matt Carney used to work at Hot Dog on a Stick and he told us that if you
go to any Hot Dog on a Stick and just say “I know Matt Carney” you’re gonna have your way
with Hot Dog on a Stick. And so we went to one and we got one. Link, why don’t you throw
all the rest of that rice. Basically, what they would do, they would just put lemons in there. Yeah, they made their lemonade that way but we’re gonna make something later, so just put it in there. But in the meantime, I’m
just gonna stamp this down to try to create some kind of– You wanna create the
egg part of the omelet that can then be folded over. If you’re gonna push that hard, I gotta push up on the
desk so you don’t break it. Good gracious, man! (Rhett grunting)
Okay, okay. (metal clanking) Oh, hey, that’s a good technique. Let’s see what you’ve got. As you can see, it’s
turning into a flat omelet. – [Rhett] The same thing it was. Okay, so, and then you
wanna go over to Sbarro. Yeah, you are. And get yourself a slice of
sausage and pepperoni pizza. And in our omelet, we’re
gonna want cheese and sausage so you just pull those off. Man, don’t put it on the ground! (Rhett grunts)
Gosh! It’s gotta stay sanitary! That was a test, Link. You passed. I’m just gonna take– There’s a lot of picking
involved, you know? I washed my hands. It’s like you’re sitting in
the middle of the food court picking off things. All right so you got that in there so now you’re gonna wanna
take that omelet, as you do and just gently fold it over. Gently fold it over. Just sort of push it into an omelet. Look at that that’s a beautiful omelet. All right what’s next Link? Great, now on the side
we want some hash browns and some bacon. So first you’re gonna go
to Charlie’s Philly steaks and you’re gonna get their fries and then you’re gonna stomp them down into a hash brown form now. I’m creating a little bit– Oh, a lattice? A crosshatch pattern. Yeah, that’s nice. It’s just kind of an approximation. There you go. You don’t want to hit your omelet. You don’t want to unfold that omelet. Push your omelette just to the side. (Rhett grunting) Oh, that’s actually kind of working. Yeah it is. But we knew it would work because.(laughs) Yeah we talked to Carney. All right so then you’ve got
your hash browns on the side. Then just slide the hash browns over here. Go over to Dairy Queen. Order yourself a chicken
bacon ranch sandwich. Done. And then take off the bacon
as your side of, guess what? – [together] Bacon. First of all not a lot of bacon on this so you just set it down there next to the other ingredients. That bacon is very sad. It seems a bit undercooked as well. Throw that in there for later. And now we’ll just need
a side of orange juice. Now they don’t sell orange
juice at Orange Julius, they sell this like sugary concoction of orange sugar water. So what you’re gonna do is go get some mall fountain water. It’s clean and– – [Together] Water it down Just to make it palatable And you want to take
one of your chopsticks and stir that up, go get that. I’m on board. That’s a good idea. All right and then grab your fork which you brought from home because I don’t eat with plastic. You’re just gonna just grab, you know? Just get as much of it as you want. That’s really good. And there you have it you’ve
started off to a great day of spending the rest of
your time at the food court. That’s breakfast. (upbeat music) Okay, spending that whole day of the mall. You’ve worked up an appetite for dinner and we’re going to show you how to make a fine dining experience
in the mall food court by making a Beef Wellington. Cause you deserve it. That’s right or as we call it a Beef Maul-ington.
Okay. So we’re gonna be doing
a couple of things here we’re gonna have steak, ham, mushrooms. We got to have pastry ’cause that’s all part of the Beef Wellington, but we’re gonna start with the meat. So you’re gonna head over to Charlie’s. You’re gonna order yourself some Philly cheesesteak sandwiches with extra mushrooms–
Okay and some club sandwiches. I’ve got some ham here then I’m gonna get down to the bottom of. and this Philly cheesesteak has steak and extra mushrooms as you’ve said. So I’m just placing the ham
over there for you, Link. And you want to keep the
meat in separate piles because they’re gonna
be doing different jobs in this final product. I got a lot of meat and I got a little bit of mushrooms here, but okay. Okay so you got your individual piles. Now you’re gonna head
over to Wetzel’s Pretzels and get yourself a Wetzel Dog. And you’re gonna take that, and Link, if you could de-wiener. Oh, well you can de-wiener it, and I’ll look away. I didn’t know it was gonna be like that. Just grab it and pull. Okay, Got it. So I’ve got what they
call a mess over here but I think I’ve succeeded
at making a meat pile. It’s all of this sub-topping
goes in the bucket. Okay, now you’re gonna head to Cinnabon. You’re gonna need to
order four cinnamon rolls and while you’re at it go ahead and order yourself a side of icing because you’re gonna need
that later for some gluing. Now you’re gonna wanna unroll. That is a dream. You’re gonna be tempted
just to eat them but, – [Together] Don’t! Don’t lose sight of the Holy Grail. Okay.
You can use this tray. I need, I need some saran wrap. Oh, here you go use this tray. Yeah That’s where that tray comes in. Now you’re gonna take these and like you’re gonna unroll all
four of those side by side. You know what, I can
help you because this is, this is a job for buddies. So they put an outer
layer that you don’t need. Throw that in the bucket and then it exposes this, this snail roll. Oh yeah, look at that. You just throw that out then when it gets to the end, that part right there. Good, yeah, you want to
take that middle part and just eat it. Mm-hmm. And throw the rest in the bucket. Okay so now you’ve got a bed and you know what they actually even though this is pretty good, actually made one that’s
even more rollable. Right here. Oh, wow! You mean we could have just
grabbed that this entire time? Yep, okay, so now what do
I do with all the meats? So where’s your mushrooms? There’s the mushroom pile. They went really light on the mushrooms. Yeah.
(offscreen laughter) So throw some mushrooms in there. Like just in here? Yeah, and now take the ham. Ham just creates a blanket
across the whole thing. That’s like, that’s a full layer there. Oh yeah. Now you’re gonna take all that steakum. Now just keep in mind that you’re sitting in the middle of the food court doing this and everybody’s watching. It’s like people gathering around someone playing an 80’s arcade game. And now you’re going to take the wiener and just rest your wiener
down into your meat, okay? Okay Okay and now Link, I’m
gonna let you do the honors so you’re gonna take this and you’re gonna roll it into
a beautiful final product. Okay, so like that?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then and as you’re doing it. You gotta release it– You’ve got to release it
from the wrap a little bit. Oh yeah. Yeah, we’ve got this
extra icing here, Link. Right when you get to the end, I’m gonna create a little
bit of a glue layer. Oh, you are? You gonna glue it up. Right here you just– This is when you have to whisper. You’ve already been using your fingers. We’re instinctively whispering. (offscreen laughter) There you go. And just– That’s very appetizing. Just get it in there. And I’m gonna give it
a nice loving squeeze. Now, they didn’t really have faith in us so we have another one of these to– I mean you wanna compare?
But I got to say You want to compare?
It’s pretty good. So here’s one that they made beforehand. I think ours looks better. (laughing) Look at that. Okay, I’m gonna create
a cross-section here. All right I’m gonna cut the, the ‘hero one’ we call it. Oh yeah. Everyone’s gather around the food court and then you show ’em the goods. You show ’em the goods! It’s grabbing on to the bottom. You just show em the goods. Whoa-ho-ho-ho-ho! Yeah, slice it up. Look at that okay, here we go. See and there’s gonna be a line of people who’ve been watching and now you just, you slice it up and dole it out. This is kind of hard for
this to remain together. Okay, just throw it on a plate. (clock ticking)
There we go. And do you pick it up and
eat it like a sandwich? Nope, no, this is fancy town! But I am, but we’re still at the mall, so I’m gonna eat it like this. Eat your heart out Gordon Ramsay. Fancy. [Upbeat music] All right, you’ve had breakfast, you’ve had dinner and now you want to leave the mall, right? No, you want to stay
at the mall food court and make dessert.
Yes. How about some cake pops? So we’re gonna make Paul Blart mall pops. Whoa. All right so you go to Mrs. Fields, you get yourself some
chocolate chip cookies. Spatter those things up. Bam, bam, bam, throw them down on there. Get some icing from Cinnabon, and then– When they start coming
through you know you’re ready. You’re gonna take that
and make a cake pop dough using that and the Cinnabon icing. That looks good. Okay, and now for the
pop part of the cake pop, you get these from Hot
Dog on a Stick, of course. so there is one stick and here’s the other one. Okay so you’re gonna
get this all together. Of course these go in the bucket. Divide it into two equal sized portions. And then you’re gonna wanna ball it up. Put it on there, I’ll ball mine up. Look at that. Now I’m gonna make a sweet option and you’re gonna make a sour option. I’m a savory man. For the sweet option I’ve got some Popcornopolis caramel corn. I want to create a coating–
Look at that. The stomper is– Yeah, you gotta just get all the meat that has been acquired so far. Is there any on the bottom? No, it’s clean. Oh, good. I mean there’s a little bit
of something but, you know. It’ll all come out in the wash. (smashing) I’m gonna roll my cake pop in this stuff. Okay, and for the sour version what you’re gonna want to do, is you need to go back
to Hot Dog on a Stick because it’s the only place you can get straight-up citric acid because they put this in
their lemonade, again, “Matt Carney sent me.” That’s your keyword, you’ll get in. It’s two words, Matt and Carney. You’re gonna wanna get
some sweet and sour sauce from the Panda. Oh yeah. (offscreen laughing) I don’t know what you guys are
laughing at back there, but. Maybe what’s happening over here. And if you want some chocolate drizzle you can go over to Baskin Robbins. Ask for some of that and
then I’m just gonna– Yours looks really good. Drizzle that on the cake pop. I think if I had to choose one I might choose the sweet version. (laughter) I’m gonna go ahead and eat this. Oh god. (offscreen laughter) Ugh! This is a good idea. I’m loving this. Hmmm. Okay, I need to take
the rest of that popcorn drop it back in your, drop it back in there, and again, in good Mythical More, we’re gonna stop all this down and create something magical with it because that’s what Matt Carney would do. Mm-hmm, a stir fry. Thank you for liking,
commenting and subscribing. You know what time it is. Hi, I’m Curtis. And I’m Michaela, and we are at the Mall of America. – [Together] And it’s time to
spin the wheel of Mythicality. Is there a roller coaster behind them? A Hydroponic mall. I want to move. Click the top link to watch us eat a mall food court stir fry and good Mythical More. And to find out where the wheel of Mythicality is gonna land. Up your pin game with
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